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On Fire!

September 5, 2017

in Transformation

Cathedral Lake CO Last day of an inspiring Colorado sojourn: perfect rainbow came out as I was contemplating my future…a sign beckoning me forward on my path.

 

Fire is the element of vitality and passion. It springs up fast and wild, and needs to be fueled to remain bright. It’s symbolic of energy, creation, and transformation. This has been a summer of transformation, and I feel myself burning wild and bright!

Within days after my last heart-wrenching post, I sat a 10-day silent Buddhist meditation retreat and loved every minute of it. Truly. The relief of silence, the crisp beauty of the rolling mountains, the sweetness of simple things, the shared wisdom from down-to-earth teachers, the slow and spacious pace of living, eating, and breathing–I felt myself slip out of the stress and patterns and presence I had been stuck in and reconnect with the sources of joy and peace within me. I felt like I had a fresh beginning in the world. I stepped back into the flow of life as a different person, a different presence, inspired to higher purpose.

Connecting with your higher self doesn’t fix the world or even make daily life easier. Sometimes it’s harder. It’s hard to keep up with my morning meditation practice when I’m tired. It’s hard to watch myself slip into busy-ness and lose track of that centered person I was only a few hours ago. It’s hard to witness the struggles and suffering of friends close to me, of the nation, of people across the world. It’s hard to keep track of all the things I want to accomplish, much less actually begin them. And yet…I’ve somehow returned to a place of balance, a place where I can witness all that and still feel joy, purpose, passion, a place where I slowly move forward on my path, one step at a time, until I look back and can’t believe how far I’ve come.

This summer, I received updates from both of our non-profit partners detailing a variety of successes. Project info will come out in the fall newsletter, but it reignited my faith in my work and in myself…and I dove into that. As the months have unfolded, I’ve jumped into professional development workshops and career growth, garnering new clients and expanding my skills. I’ve watched friends become parents and shared the sweetness of their joy. I’ve allowed my grief to come forward–and also to be ritually relinquished. I’ve stepped into the discomfort (and the fun) of new social situations and dating. I’ve made time for friends, new and old, connecting with so many amazing people from my immediate community and across the country. I’ve traveled to Yosemite, Colorado, D.C.–and I’ve also shut my door at home and not gone outside some days. I’ve danced with abandon until dawn. I’ve put my focus on work and not moved for 7 hours. I’m volunteering locally. I’m discovering new power in my yoga practice. I’ve carved out time for everything important to me: friends, solitude, purposeful work, working out, being in nature, dancing, art, culture, and travel. I don’t know where all the energy suddenly comes from, but clearly a fire burns inside me again–and I have been fueling it with every experience within reach. It’s a fire purifying the past and heating up possibility for the future, drawing everything together and sealing it into something new.

These past weeks in Colorado, I’ve hiked, run, or biked nearly every day in the mountains, and it has fed my soul. I watched the solar eclipse as I hiked what was described as an “intuitive trail” after the main trail ends, which means I hiked mostly straight up 1000 feet over tundra scrub and then rock scree, to reach 13,108 ft with not a soul in sight. I looked out over the Continental Divide, over mountains and alpine lakes in every direction, and I was ready. From the limitless possibility of the sky and the solid clarity of the earth, from the thousands of creations in the world and from my one true heart, I called the future into being, committed to my work and my purpose, asked for everything I’d been envisioning, asked for all that my soul desires. I returned home only to spontaneously go to Burning Man on about 2 hours notice–and revel in the magic of community, art, dance, desert. Now I look ahead to the fall, to travels in Nepal and Bhutan, and I can feel the way forward unfolding.

After feeling heavy, stuck, and torn apart for so long, I’m now on fire–coming through the process of transformation and inspired to greater purpose. I’m ready for the future…and creating it.

 

 

Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.  –Rumi

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